by Dr. Penelope Gladwell
Memorial Day began at the close of the Civil War, when families torn apart by that horrific struggle sought to honor all those who died on both sides by visiting their graves and often decorating them with American flags or other symbols of unity. It was important as a nation to admit that such an extreme loss of life was wrong; that the effects of the war devastated North and South alike; and that whatever excuses history might offer could not erase what was done.
In our nation we take time out each year, on the last Monday in May, to commemorate that human need to apologize, to remember our incivilities, and to be agents of reconciliation in our society.
Asking for forgiveness is part and parcel of leadership character. In his book Choosing Civility (2002) P. M. Forni says as we go through life we are bound to offend someone, upset others, and cause feelings of anxiety or stress. Leaders will take their businesses through change that requires retraining, relocations, or layoffs. Organizations will require extra efforts from members on occasion. Parents will make tough choices that impact the lives of their children. And apologizing is the decent thing to do. It is a most valuable resource for those who seek to be fair and considerate.
It is not an easy thing to do, however. If we ask for forgiveness in earnest, we have to struggle with our own pride. We would like the other person to make the first move so we could add, "Me too." But it really is up to us to own our actions and understand the impact of our choices on others.
Apologies may not always be received graciously, much as we may want to have a clean slate. But that cannot deter us from the practice. Gestures of empathy are noticed. Regretting that we have been the source of hurt keeps our spirits pliable. Being aware of the feelings of others and the risks of injuring another person from our position of authority keeps us humble as leaders.
What does your organization need to remember and then say, "I owe you an apology"?
How is your leadership a source of reconciliation?
Dr. Penelope Gladwell, associate professor for leadership at MSU Martinsburg, is a lifelong learner, having degrees from several seminaries and universities. She is a teacher/facilitator with experience at the elementary, high school, undergraduate, and graduate levels. A consultant, public speaker, counselor, and workshop developer, Dr. Gladwell is happy to share the secrets of her resilience with all comers!
