Mountain State University LeaderTalk

July Round-Up: A Leader Communicates Skillfully

I have enjoyed this month's topic of leadership and communication.

I could easily keep writing on this topic for months to come. Instead, we will wrap up this month with a list of links to some great posts on the topic from some of my favorite leadership bloggers. I hope this list will be a valuable resource to you.

First, from Tanmay Vora, "Connecting, Building Relationships and Team Success," gives leaders tips about how to communicate well and connect others in relationships.

It's important to make communication clear and understandable –the first time. Miki Saxon tells you how in this post: "Clarifying Communication."

Wally Bock has some great ideas for bosses in this post "Conversation: A Key Supervisory Tool."

Listening is an important skill for leaders. Be sure to read all three of these posts from Mary Jo Asmus for some ideas about how to improve your listening skills.

We have weak relationships, according to Randy Seitz, because we don't communicate well. This great post gives some ideas about how to cultivate quality communication.

Improve your ability to communicate by removing these communication blockers, Dan Rockwell says in this post.

Social media provides a great platform for leaders to communicate with others, leveraging influence. Read more in this post from Griff Wigley.

If you have any other favorite posts about leadership and communication, feel free to share them in the comments.

Two Key Messages

Every organization has a communication culture, one that is shaped and reinforced by the people within the organization, especially the leaders.

In his seminal work On Leadership, John Gardner identifies two key messages critical for healthy communication in organizations.

Two key messages should be implicit: (1) "You will know what's going on," and (2) "Your voice will be heard."

To feel valued and safe at work, people want to be informed, especially about changes that directly affect them, but also about other things. Information equals power, and it also equals security and a sense of belonging.

But people also need to feel that they have a audience for their thoughts, feelings, and opinions at work. People long to be listened to and to feel that their input is valuable within the organization.

Gardner says that the larger and more complex the organization, the greater the challenge in creating a culture that expresses these two key messages effectively.

Effective leaders incorporate a plan for communication within their organizations. They have a process for sharing important changes and decisions with their employees. They listen to people's ideas and feedback.

No matter who you are or where you work, you can improve the culture you live in by making sure people know what's going on. Keep the people around you informed as much as you can. Share what you know. As you do that, take the time to listen to what others think and feel.

Creating a healthy organizational culture can start with you, today.

Join the conversation!

What do you do to keep people informed in your organization?

What do you to to help people feel heard?

Tell Me A Story

In my last post, I shared a story about my grandfather and the song he sang to me when I was a little girl to help me remember to speak clearly.

Don't you love stories?

Stories are the most powerful tool we have in communicating with others. The reason? Stories anchor truth, facts, or experiences in our memories. If you want to lead others, tell stories.

We remember the stories we hear. 

We remember the stories we tell.

We remember the stories we repeat.

If you learn to tell stories well, you will connect to your listeners powerfully and in a way that they will remember.

So, think about what you want to communicate and then find a story that relates.

Everyone enjoys a good story. Stories capture and hold people's attention.

Find a story from your own life, or a story you've read.

Choose a story from within your organization, a story from a movie, or a classic fable.

Make up a story, or create one, just for today.

Tell a story of something that happened recently, or dig years into your past to find the right one.

When you tie a story to your message, people will be more likely to remember both the story and its intended lesson.

Start with me: tell me a story. I'm listening.

Speak Distinctly

Pig-tailed and freckle-faced, I stood next to my grandpa's chair.

"Speak distinctly, or do-not-speak or do-not-speak at all," he said. It was kind of a song. As a young girl, I often talked so quickly – and with such a high-pitched squeak – that he couldn't understand me. To remind me, he would sing his "Speak distinctly" song.

I felt flustered when he sang the song, but I always did as he asked. I slowed down, and repeated myself clearly.

I was about 35 when he died, and I think he repeated that song almost every time I saw him, even after my squeaks modulated into a more adult sounding voice.

The song became a family joke, but it carries a truth that everyone should heed.

If you're going to bother speaking, speak distinctly.

Choose your words carefully, use the right tone of voice for the right occasion: one that's not too loud and not too quiet. Keep an even pace and say what you need to say.

Speak distinctly. Or don't speak at all.

The Other 93%

I find it hard to conceal my emotions from others. if I'm excited about something, you'll know it. If I'm disappointed about something, I won't be able to hide that from you either. If I'm particularly upset about something, I struggle to maintain eye contact. If I'm angry, I stomp around. If I'm sad, I'm quiet, and move and talk more slowly than my usual frenetic pace.

I like to tell myself that my openness communicates authenticity to others, giving me credibility. 

At the very least, I know that being open with others helps them know me.

All of those nonverbal cues I give... that's the other 93%. You could perceive all of that without me even uttering a single meaningful word.

Only 7% of communication is verbal.  If we as leaders want to skillfully communicate with others, we need to pay attention to the other 93%. We need to improve our ability to perceive others' nonverbal communication while increasing awareness of how our own nonverbal cues affect others.

Our facial expressions, posture, gestures, tone of voice, rate of speech, and accent all influence others' perception of and understanding of our words.

What are some practical ways we can improve our communication skills by focusing on the other 93%?

Ask for feedback from trusted friends or advisers. Prior to a meeting or presentation, ask someone you trust to pay special attention to the nonverbal components of your communication. Then listen carefully as your friend shares their input. Others may be able to pick up on nuances of your nonverbal communication that you are not aware of.

Practice being mindful of areas of nonverbal communication that you need to change so you can self-correct. Awareness is the first step toward change of unproductive nonverbal communication habits. Perhaps you talk too fast when you're nervous or lower your voice when you are meeting someone new. When you recognize those habits, you can prepare mentally for those situations and choose new behaviors. Since I know that I look down or away when I am very upset, I can make an effort to maintain eye contact even in the midst of conflict.

Use others' nonverbal cues to gauge your own communication effectiveness. When my husband was a pastor, he scanned the congregation to get a sense of their reactions to his messages. He wanted to keep his listeners engaged and interested in the topic of the day, so he always aimed to keep anyone nodding off to sleep. By paying attention to others' non-verbal communication during conversations or presentations, we will gain important information about how they are receiving our messages.

Join the conversation!

How do you use nonverbal communication to your advantage as a leader?

In what ways do you focus on "the other 93%"?

Find a Common Language

In the summer of 1992, I stood on a ferryboat with a few friends in the middle of the Bosphorus Strait, the body of water that separates the city of Istanbul, Turkey, into two continents.

We had spent the day in Asia but were headed back to the European side, where we were staying. After being in Turkey for several weeks, we could speak only a few Turkish words and phrases. We enjoyed getting to know Turkish people, though; while sightseeing, we would start conversations with whoever we could find who could speak English. 

On this particular day, a mother and her two children seemed curious to talk to us. Unfortunately, they couldn't speak English and our meager knowledge of Turkish didn't allow for any meaningful conversation. After a few starts and stops, we realized that the family could speak French.

I studied French for a few years in high school and a few semesters in college, so once we discovered that we all knew French, we began to connect in earnest.

But first we had to discover our common language.

If you are a leader who works for a global corporation or travels frequently, you know the frustration of trying to communicate cross-culturally without a shared language. Both of my brothers travel overseas frequently for business, and they often rely on the help of translators to conduct their business.

Yet even those of us who work primarily with other English speakers know the frustration of trying to communicate with others and somehow failing to connect.

The reason: even though we may share a mother tongue with others, we may not be speaking the same language.

As a leader, it is important to take the time to know your audience so that you can communicate meaningfully with them. When you know people well, you can choose to relate to them in ways that they will understand and appreciate.

Choose the right words. Learn your followers' preferred vocabulary; understand the acronyms or abbreviations they use and try to incorporate them into your speech patterns.

If you are presenting new information to people, be sure to define words they may not know. Using unfamiliar vocabulary can create barriers to understanding and create distance between people.

Choose the right medium. My young nieces would rather receive a text message than any other communication. It's the medium that makes them feel comfortable, so I contact them by text. When I do that, I'm speaking their language. If your followers have a preference about how to communicate, use it!

Choose to connect with others by talking about common interests. When we communicate about shared interests, we naturally use shared vocabulary. This builds our connections with others and paves the way for communication about other topics.

Join the conversation!

How do you find a common language with others?

What do you think creates the biggest barrier in communicating with others within your own context and culture?

Social Media Communication

Today's post continues our theme for July: A Leader Communicates Skillfully. The focus of this post is understanding the nuances of communication through social media, important for leaders.To be included in this month's Round-up post on the topic of Leadership and Communication, please email a link to your best post on the topic to me at brobinson@mountainstate.edu no later than Monday, July 26th. I will post the Round-Up on Friday, July 30th.

Picture yourself in the center of a large auditorium, wearing a blindfold. The blindfold is a wispy, translucent fabric... so you can see the people around you: their form, their coming and going; you can identify a few familiar faces.

What you can't see is their expression, their engagement with you, their reaction to your messages.

But still, you keep talking. You share what's on your mind in short bursts. You leave the room and return and collect messages people have left behind, straining to decipher their intonation and intention.

Mostly, you believe the best about the people around you: they are friendly, engaging, positive; they are interested in what you have to say, just as you are interested in them.

But, you have doubts. You're not really sure who hears what you're saying. Is anyone really listening, reading, watching? Does the message get through? Are you talking to an empty room? Have the people walked away, fallen asleep, lost interest? Have you offended someone? Inspired them? Are they laughing at you or cheering for you?

When we get involved with connecting and communicating with others via social media, it is difficult to gauge people's reactions to our communication. Here's why:

Most forms of social media communication are indirect. We address our communication to everyone... and no one. We could be speaking to a crowd of thousands or an audience of one.

Of course, social media is not without feedback. People may comment on your status updates on Facebook or comment on your blog. They may "like" your pictures or retweet something you've said. You can check your blog stats and count your page views.

But many, many people could be reading your messages and not responding at all. They're paying attention, but you have no way of knowing. Or, you might assume people are paying attention and really they're not engaged at all.

Have you ever met up with someone in real life that you haven't seen in awhile, and been surprised to find out they're up-to-date with your life even though you haven't communicated directly? They're reading your blog or your Facebook updates so they already know about your sprained ankle, your recent trip overseas. Or, you feel frustrated because you assume someone should know about your recent tragedy, but they haven't seen your tweets at all.

So what do you do?

Choose direct forms of communication when you want to be sure your message gets through.

Send an email, make a phone call, video  chat on Skype, meet someone in person.

Tear off your blindfold and directly connect with others.

Join the conversation!

What do you do to connect directly with others?

How do you overcome the disadvantages of social media communication?

Reflective Listening

Whenever I hang up the phone after talking to my friend Lisa, I always feel better than I did before the call.

It's not because she makes me laugh, although she often does; it's not because she asks good questions or because she affirms and encourages me, although she does both of those things very well; it's not even because she is one of my closest friends.

The reason I always feel better when I talk to Lisa is that she is an excellent listener. Lisa regularly practices the art of reflective listening.

Reflective listening is the practice of repeating the heard message back to the listener to correct any inaccuracies or misunderstandings(Nelson and Quick, 2008).

The practice of reflective listening requires you to:

• Put aside distractions.
• Focus intently on what the other person is saying.
• Listen for the meaning behind the message, so that you can pick up the emotion behind the person's words.

Once you have listened well, you have the opportunity to:

• Ask questions to make sure you understood the message.
• Paraphrase the person's thoughts, including any subtle emotional cues you may have heard.
• Listen again, as the speaker clarifies their thinking.

Leaders who practice reflective listening affirm their followers in a way that resonates past the conversation. Leaders who listen thoughtfully and thoroughly communicate respect to others. They show that they value others and provide a framework for a positive working relationship.

Although reflective listening works best face to face or over the phone, it also works via email or in online social media relationships. When someone sends you an email, you can begin your reply by paraphrasing the request before responding. Or if you are communicating via Twitter or Facebook, you begin your response by summarizing some part of what the person shared.

When you do, the other person will come away from the interaction with a positive feeling, the same one I have whenever I talk to my friend Lisa.

Join the conversation!

What experiences have you had with reflective listening?

If you practice reflective listening, what benefits have you experienced in your work or personal relationships?

Three Stories of Communication and Trust

We had lived in our new neighborhood for about four months when our neighbors from across the cul-de-sac stop by to let us know that their pool was open and ready for swimming.

Stop by anytime, they told us.

A week or so later, they followed-up with a dinner invitation, and while we enjoyed dinner in their backyard on a cool evening, with our girls elbowing each other around the picnic table and spilling lemonade, they presented us with a key to their home so we could have access to the bathroom when we came over to swim.

It astounded me, the easy trust they communicated with their kind actions.

We trust you enough to open our yard, our pool, and our home to you, they said.

I had been blogging for only a couple of months when I connected with a few leadership bloggers for advice and direction on how to get started. One of them gave me the password to his Typepad account and blog analytics service, so I could get a sense of blog traffic patterns.

Log in anytime, he told me. So I did. And later, when he had a family emergency, I used his login (at his request) to write a post for his readers. I posted on his blog without his review.

I trust you enough to share access with you, he said, with his generous actions.

My new babysitter had only been working for me for a few months when I sent her to the store in my van, with my ATM card, password, and three kids in tow. She has a key to my house and carts my kids wherever they want to go.

I trust you, I tell her: over and over, but not with words.

Although words can communicate trust, more often than not, we demonstrate trust with our actions. As we allow others access into our lives or our organizations, we show them that we trust them. As a leader, you may offer information, resources, authority, or privileges to your employees. Or you may withhold those things.  

Trusting others involves letting go, giving up control, taking risks. 

When you communicate trust, you elevate the status of your employees, giving them a sense of importance, acceptance, and competence. When you withhold trust, your employees may feel disheartened or demotivated.

To communicate trust, start with action. Allow others access to your life by sharing information, resources, authority, or privileges. Astound someone by generous sharing of trust. 

Join the conversation!

What ways do you communicate trust to your employees?

In what ways have you been astounded by others' trust in you?

What barriers do you face in trusting others?

A Medium to Match Your Message

In any given day, I communicate by sharing information in many different ways.

I talk to my daughters, my husband, my friends and neighbors, and anyone else I happen to see, face to face.

I send emails — lots of them.

I make phone calls; I text; I send Facebook messages; I tweet.

I write blog posts; I Skype; I exchange instant messages online.

Very rarely, I write handwritten letters or notes. 

In this age of instant communication and social media, it is very important to carefully match your message to the most appropriate medium.

E-mail works for many work related missives but sometimes it is far more effective to pick up the phone. Text messages have an economy of words that is perfect for some conversations, but there are other conversations that require face to face interaction.

Writing on an acquaintance's Facebook wall to wish them a happy birthday works fine... but if you want to communicate a deeper level of commitment or affection, you probably choose a different medium.

Consider the effect of a thank you sent in various mediums. Which would have the greatest impact for you: a verbal thank you delivered  in a staff meeting, among your peers; a handwritten note; an email; a text?

Because communication is about far more than just the words you use; the medium you choose for your message conveys a meaning of its own. And since people vary, you also need to consider which medium will be best received by your audience as well.

Leaders who communicate skillfully master the art of matching the right medium to the right message.

Join the conversation!

What is your favorite medium for communicating with others?

When have you noticed a disconnect between a person's message and the medium they chose to deliver it?

How do you choose the right medium for your messages?